Lyrics: L H Trevail

Mister Punch's Promise

May the stars curl up if I hurt you again,

May the cows contract diseases,

May we all be murdered in our beds.

May the sky above me bulge with thin rain that makes me squint as if it's really sunny.

Judy you have to love me and believe me -

May the house fall down around our heads

May I be trapped under fallen masonry for fourteen days

without food living only on drips of water from a broken pipe.

May I receive an electric shock from a stray wire when they finally pull me free.

And may all the best doctors be struck with the flu when they rush me into Accident and Emergency.

May the wheels of my gurney point stubbornly in the wrong direction and may it get stuck at every set of double doors.

May the lift stop between floors and may it start again while they are trying to lift me out and may I be only halfway out so I get cut in half leaving my legs in the arms of the paramedics while my screaming torso plunges thirteen floors.

May the lift catch fire when it hits the basement and may I be burned to ashes before anyone can reach me.

And may my ashes be accidentally disposed of as surgical waste so I spend my eternal rest amongst used hypodermic needles and amputated cancerous testicles.

Judy. I love you. I will never hurt you again.